| “Don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.” |
We took on the behavior patterns of the alcoholic disease and/or dysfunctional family early in childhood and carried them into adulthood. Even though we may never take a drink ourselves, we have acquired unhealthy ways of relating with others that have given us difficulty, especially in intimate relationships.
We have stuffed many of our feelings from our traumatic childhood, and we have difficulty feeling or expressing our emotions, because it hurts so much. Our comfortable feelings such as joy or happiness can also be difficult to express. Our being out of touch with our feelings is the larger part of our denial. We learned in our dysfunctional families the three unwritten rules; “Don't talk, don't trust, don't feel” and still unknowingly living by those rules today.
We often feel isolated and afraid of people and authority figures. Angry people and personal criticism frighten us. Some of us take on compulsive behaviors ourselves, marry a compulsive person and try to fix them, or both.
Many of us live life from the standpoint of victims and are attracted by weakness in our love, friendships, and career relationships.
We are terrified of abandonment, and will do almost anything to hold on to a relationship rather than experience the painful feelings of being abandoned. We received this from living within an alcoholic/dysfunctional environment where no one was emotionally “there” for us.
This is a description, not an accusation. We have learned to survive by becoming reactors rather then actors. What we have learned we can unlearn in the solution.
